Apparently Kate Moss of the anorexic fame once observed –
‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!’
Well, I wouldn’t know.
I’ve never had the opportunity to visit skinny-land, though I routinely peruse its travel brochures (also called beauty magazines) on my monthly treks to the land of ‘someone get rid of my moustache pls’ (read parlour).
I turn their pages this way and that – wondering in fascination if the hollow-hipped models sneering delicately at me from it subscribed to Kate’s estimable theory! Or whether hunger has wiped out all rational thought from their skinny minds!
Ok, I admit…
a lot of this ‘spewing’ is coming from the fact that I went shopping for clothes recently. In fact, I walked into a big airy mall full of the latest and most fashionable brands with the fanciful idea that I might actually be able to find a nice dress (or two) that would make me feel (and look) nice and feminine!
After all, somewhere in this vast temple to the gods of commerce, there must be some designer who has seen a normal woman – if only in passing!
I might as well have been trying to find the cure for cancer! Or should I have said Cellulite?
It was insane.I couldn’t find a single item of clothing that seemed even vaguely decent, feminine or flattering. Much less all three together! And I’m not even particularly overweight.
It was like the invasion of the lyrca-ites! Everything clung to the wrong places and accentuated all the negatives – I didn’t even know I had so many! And don’t even get me started on the necklines and armholes.
Overall, the dressing room trauma was reminiscent of driving on indian roads – a series of holes connected by a longer series of bumps!!!
I came back positively depressed!
And immediately vowed to start dieting.
And join a gym.
And stop eating!
After all, the entire female population that seemed to be fitting into these skinny little clothes must be doing it.
They couldn’t all be wrong?!? Could they?
And it was then that it dawned on me…
Its a Conspiracy!
Its all these weight-loss & beauty brands.
They are in cahoots with the fashion industry.
And they’re all in even-bigger-cahoots with the media industry.
And they’re flooding all the newspapers, magazines, tv and films with these skinny images to make us think that that there is the way to be – that anything else is unacceptable!
They’re brain-washing us!
And its working.
We are helpless in their evil clutches, our reasonable thinking minds overwhelmed by their insidious onslaught!
We’re forcing our asses into skinny jeans, our feet into skinny shoes and our minds into skinny molds simply because its made to seem desirable!
Because we saw it on TV!
Because that bimbo starlet (and yes, I know that’s what you actually think of her) is skinny!
It has to be – there is just no other explanation!
Yes! Its a conspiracy!
That’s my story.
And I’m sticking to it!
Damn. All this writing’s made me hungry! Damn it!